Apocalypse Meow
by Dr. Vorlon
Summary: Poor Haru. In addition to missing Baron, she is plagued by recurring nightmares of Yuki in danger. Meanwhile, Hiromi embarks on an adventure of her own. My first Cat Returns fic. Slight BaronHaru, NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Hello, Dr. Vorlon here.

This is my first Cat Returns fanfic. I never thought I would ever write one, but I became quite a fan of the film in a remarkably short time (to the point where I'm almost watching it on a weekly basis). I feel that the only way to purge this fixation may be to write a story.

And so here we go. From the man who brought you 'Union through Separation' and the 'Ascension' series, comes…

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

Haru Yoshioka was not in the cheeriest of moods.

Sitting in an outdoor café near the Crossroads, not even a quadruple moccacino could "perk" her spirits up. It seemed strange that she should be experiencing such a bout of depression, especially in light of the fact that for quite sometime, things had never been better: no more sleeping past the alarm clock, no more worrying what Machida thought of her.

And, most important of all, no more sycophantic felines going out of their way to please her, only to have the opposite effect.

Nearly a year had past since Haru's incredible adventure in the magical Kingdom of Cats, since she met three very special friends: Muta, Toto, and the Baron.

_Baron…_

Haru missed her friends, especially Baron. She could still vividly recall Muta's less than graceful (and occasionally unintentional) heroics, Toto's physics-defying stairway of crows…

Baron's dancing skill…

Haru sighed. Baron had told her that, if she ever needed help again, she would always know where to find them. Well, she did know where to find them, but she didn't really need help. Things were going great, and that was the problem. More and more, she found herself actually wishing that something bad would happen.

Perhaps that was the reason behind her dreams.

For the past few days, Haru had had this recurring dream in which Yuki—her very special friend from the Cat Kingdom—was in some sort of danger. It was almost as if Yuki was calling out to her for help, but that just didn't make sense. She had Prince Lune and an entire palace of servants to look after her. Besides, Yuki had tried to _discourage _Haru from remaining in the Cat Kingdom and for good reason: humans shouldn't set foot in that world if they don't believe in themselves.

Danger or not, why would Yuki be calling Haru back?

_Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to go back to the Cat Bureau. Yeah, that's probably it—just my subconscious or whatever looking for an excuse._

But that still didn't help with her mood.

Chucking her half-finished drink into the nearest trash receptacle, a glum Haru began making her way home.

* * *

Hiromi was not in the cheeriest of moods.

For quite sometime, Hiromi had been… bored. The things that had once thrilled her—playing lacrosse, fruitlessly pursuing Tsuge—now seemed unusually trivial. Even egging Haru into asking out Machida, when he already had a girlfriend had become uninteresting.

Not to mention pointless; Machida was now single, and Haru was no longer interested in him for reasons she had never satisfyingly explained.

Hiromi just wanted so much more than what life was currently dealing her. _I'm a talented, spirited young woman. Is it too much to ask that I get just a little bit of excitement? Just once?_

She was returning from practice, carrying a lacrosse stick—and not just any old lacrosse stick. It was nearly a year ago that Hiromi woke up one morning only to find a huge freaking pile of lacrosse sticks dumped outside her home. She never did learn where they all came from, and Haru insisted that she had nothing to do with it, despite the fact that she was the only person who knew that Hiromi's stick had been broken.

She _should _know, seeing as how she was the one who broke it in the first place. _And for what—to save some weirdo cat stupid enough to try and cross a busy street? Sure, it would've been terrible if he'd been killed, but it's not like was _royalty _or anything like that!_

Long story short, Hiromi had no use for a hundred lacrosse sticks, so she disposed of them all save one—the one she was carrying now. For Hiromi, that incident had been the most exciting thing that had happened to her in a long time.

But not exciting enough.

"I wish something really cool would happen," Hiromi said aloud. "I wish that I could go someplace amazing, someplace where a girl like me can really use her skills to be something special."

As she said this, she failed to notice that the end of her stick was glowing.

What she _didn't _fail to notice was the strange, blue portal forming beneath her.

And she didn't fail to notice that she was being pulled in.

And when she found herself falling for what seemed like forever… she definitely didn't fail to notice that.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

So what do you think? If you'd like to read more, be sure to review. If not, I'll just bugger off and you'll never have to hear from me again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

Haru woke with a start. She put her hand over her heart. It was beating rapidly, because it was filled with fear—fear of the dream.

She could still see it so vividly: the cat tail fields red with flames, the terrified cries of many felines, Yuki desperately calling out Haru's name…

She swung her legs over the edge of the bed. _Enough_, she told herself. Enough of trying to convince herself that the dream had been nothing more than a subconscious excuse to go see Baron. Enough of trying to ignore it.

Enough.

Quickly slipping into some clothes, Haru crept out of the house quietly, so as not to awaken her mother. She made her way to the Crossroads, and from there, she began the difficult task of retracing the path Muta had taken to reach the Refuge. And difficult it was indeed. Muta's path had been needlessly complex, no doubt to spite Haru for the fatso remarks. But somehow she made it.

She was back in the Refuge, in front of the Cat Bureau.

Just a bit offset from the world that Haru lived in, the Refuge was a place for objects with souls… which raised the interesting question of why Muta seemed to frequent there. In fact, Muta was sitting in front of the Bureau at that very moment, reading the entertainment section of the newspaper, seemingly oblivious to Haru's presence.

"_A must see for the whole family_," Muta muttered. "What does this guy know? This is the same critic who gave 'Giggly' five stars."

"Uh, I think you mean 'Gigli'," Haru corrected.

"Naw, he hated that flick." It was then that Muta looked up and finally took notice. "Oh, it's you. What're you doin' here?"

Haru smiled. She had missed that grumpy voice so much that she didn't really mind his lack of manners. "I'm looking for Baron," she said.

"Huh, figures. Sorry, yer outta luck; he's not in right now."

"He's not?" Haru was unable to hide the combination of surprise and disappointment in her voice. "Well, where is he?"

"Dunno, don't care. Now if you'll excuse me," Muta resumed reading his paper, "I'm a very busy cat."

Haru frowned. Now his rudeness _was _bothering her.

"You really are an awful piece of work," said another familiar voice. Looking up at a tall pole in the middle of the Refuge, Haru saw Toto the stone crow coming to life. "In all my one hundred and twenty-odd years of watching over the Earth, I swear I've never encountered a more thoughtless, insensitive idiot than you!"

"Hey, I have plenty of thoughts, bird brain!" Muta threw down his paper. "Like, for one, I'm thinking my pillow could use some stuffing!"

"Nice comeback. I'll bet you stayed up all night working on that one."

"Why you—"

'You guys!" Haru interrupted. "Would someone _please _tell me where Baron is!"

"You're right, Haru," Toto agreed. "Sorry. Baron just went out for a late night stroll. He's always on the lookout for people who need their problems solved. But he should be back any minute now."

"Indeed. And that minute would be now."

Haru's heart skipped a beat. There it was—the third familiar voice, the one she had been most waiting to hear. They all turned around, and there, standing before them, was Baron Humbert Von Gikkingen.

With his snappy tux and Engel's Zimmer eyes, the Baron was as dapper and mysterious as Haru remembered, if not more so. "Haru," he said, "it's quite a pleasant surprise to see you again. What brings you back here at so late an hour?"

"My reason for being here? Oh yeah, that. Well, I uh, that is, I…" Haru had been so focused on simply getting to this moment—being reunited with Baron—that she had temporarily forgotten what it was that had prompted her to seek out the Baron in the first place, despite the importance. It was an embarrassing situation, to say the least.

"Whatsamatter kid?" Muta asked with a half-knowing smile. "Cat got your tongue?"

Haru flustered at that remark. Baron, by contrast, showed no change in his countenance.

Perhaps he had no reason to.

Or perhaps he was simply better at concealing his expressions. He could be difficult to read at times.

"Whatever it is that brought her here, I'm sure our dear Haru would feel more comfortable discussing it over tea, rather than here outside in the cold," Baron suggested. He looked up at the young brunette. "Shall we go inside then?"

"Oh yes, yes!" Haru said eagerly, recalling how much she enjoyed Baron's tea before. Following Baron, she crawled her way into the Cat Bureau, a diminutive structure, even by Refuge standards.

The inside was of the Bureau was more or less how Haru remembered it. "You still have great taste, Baron," Haru commented, her calmness returning.

"Thank you," Baron said, as he began pulling teacups from the cupboard. "Few people know this, but I actually modeled my home after an antique shop I used to reside in."

"Really?"

"Oh, yes. This wonderful old man owned it, but now his violin-making grandson mostly runs it. Last I heard, he was engaged to marry this gifted young author…"

"Wasn't she the one with the John Denver fixation?" Muta said, walking in and plopping his big butt onto the sofa. "I hate country music, almost as much as 'Giggly'."

"It's pronounced 'Gigli'," Baron confirmed.

"Whatever, it was a lousy movie either way."

* * *

Hiromi slowly regained consciousness. As her eyes opened, she began to recall the strange events that had just transpired.

Or had they 'just' transpired?

Hiromi felt as if she had been falling for days; she couldn't even be certain it had been hours.

She also became aware of something soft and furry squirming underneath her back. Jumping to her feet, she realised that she had unintentionally landed on top of a tan and brown cat.

"Oh, you poor kitty! I'm so sorry!" But Hiromi's eyes suddenly bulged from her skull when she saw the cat stand up on his hind legs and brush himself off.

"That's alright," he said. "It's entirely my fault. I probably shouldn't have been standing there anyway."

"Y-you, you can t-t-talk!" stuttered Hiromi barely.

"Of course I can talk. All cats can talk here."

"Here?" It was then that Hiromi clued in to the fact that she wasn't in Japan anymore.

She was in a maze.

"W-what? Where am I?"

"Why, you're in the marvelous Kingdom of Cats of course!"

"Kingdom of Cats?"

"Well, part of it at least—and not the best part to be sure. But the rest of it, oh my is it ever wonderful!"

The funny little cat took a good look at Hiromi. "I must say though, we don't get many human visitors here. In fact, I can recall us only ever having one. What is your name by the way, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Oh, I don't mind," Hiromi answered. Still finding all of this incredibly strange, she nonetheless extended her arm for a friendly hand/pawshake. "I'm Hiromi."

"Hiromi? Hiromi… I feel like I should know that name from somewhere, but it's just not ringing any bells. Well anyway," he reciprocated the shake, "it's nice to meet you Miss Hiromi. You may call me Natoru."

**To be continued**

Well, the plot is starting to thicken, isn't it? Please read and review if you want more! (I'm serious!)


	3. Chapter 3

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

Perhaps one of the reasons that Haru was so fond of Baron was that he was just so… accepting.

Haru had always been somewhat on the ditzy, awkward side, and it had earned her many a chuckle from friends and classmates alike. Yet, Baron had never subjected her to such harsh criticism. Even now—as Haru did her best to try and describe the dreams she'd been having, all the while trying to avoid giving any hint as to the other "issues" she'd been dealing with lately—Baron showed no signs that he was judging her in anyway. He merely listened with quiet patience as Haru told her tale.

The same could not be said of Muta, who rolled his eyes on more than one occasion.

But then, who would find _that _surprising?

"This is quite an interesting case," Baron finally said, after taking a minute to let his mind fully process the information.

"So the little chicky's havin' bad dreams," Muta snorted. "Big deal! Just get her a night light or something!"

Haru glared at Muta, then took a sip from her cat-sized teacup. But even tea was not enough to ease her mood. "Uh, Baron? Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but your tea's not quite as good as I remember it."

"Well, I did warn you that it's a bit different every time," Baron said. He stood up, and, arms folded behind his back, he began to slowly pace back and forth, as if trying to reach a decision.

"Of late, I've not heard of any trouble in the Kingdom of Cats. But then, it's not as if I've been keeping up with current events there—a rather daunting task at best, considering that time works differently in a world of eternal life. Perhaps a visit would be in order."

"So, you're going to take me back to the Cat Kingdom?' Haru asked, half-hopeful, half-nervous.

"Ordinarily I wouldn't consider it," Baron admitted. "However, it would seem to be the best way to deal with your dilemma: if your dreams are nothing more than mere dreams, seeing firsthand that all is well in the Cat Kingdom will help to alleviate your fears. If, however, there is more to it than that… Well, we'll cross that bridge when and if we reach it."

"And people say _I _have a hairball in my brain!" Muta leaned back on Baron's couch. "Did you guys forget what happened last time? The kid went all Halle Berry, and not in the good way!" (A.N. For those who don't know, I'm referring to Halle Berry's role in one of the most grossly inaccurate comic book adaptations of all time!)

"No one here has forgotten that, Muta," Baron reassured. "Nor have we forgotten the circumstances that lead to said incident. So long as Haru remembers to believe in who she is, and keeps her emotions in check, then a brief visit should be safe."

Muta just shook his head. "I still say you're askin' for trouble. But what do I care? It's not like _I'm _going."

"Is that so?" Baron gave a wink to Haru. "That's quite a pity, seeing as how I had planned on making some triple fudge brownies."

"Aw, no! I'm not fallin' for that one again! You can't… did you say _triple_ fudge?"

Haru giggled. _Just like old times, _she thought.

"Uh, I hate to bring this up," Toto chimed in. "But has anyone given any thought as to _how _exactly we're going to get Haru into the Cat Kingdom? You know the entrance can't be reached by walking. And since carrying Muta is strain enough—"

"Watch it, Birdbrain! Don't make me get all Colonel Sanders on yer tail!"

"You raise an interesting point, Toto," Baron admitted. "Fortunately, I have something that just might solve that problem."

Rummaging through his cupboards, Baron pulled out a bottle labeled 'Drink Me'. "Now then, if you are familiar with the tale of Alice in Wonderland, this concept should be relatively familiar."

It took Haru only a few seconds to clue in. "Oh… So this is some sort of a shrinking potion?"

Baron nodded. "My own personal blend. Just drink it down, and you will be cat-size—though certainly not cat-like, so long as you remember to believe in who you are."

Haru picked up the little bottle with her index finger and thumb. "Neat."

"I think it fair to warn you," Baron mentioned, "that unlike my tea, I _can _guarantee the taste of this potion; it will taste most bitter. Unavoidable, I'm afraid."

"Oh, okay." So Haru drank it down, and—oh, horrors—it was bitter indeed. As Haru's expression changed to one of sourness, already she could feel her body beginning to shrink. Strangely (though thankfully), Haru's clothes shrank with her.

Before long, Haru was fighting back a blush, as she once again found herself eye to eye with the Baron.

"Well then," Baron said, as he gathered up his coat, his hat, and his cane (a new one, Haru noted, most likely to replace the one that had been bent), "shall we be off?"

**To be continued**

Well, I had originally intended for this chapter to be longer, but I think I've wasted enough time getting it out as it is.

To respond to a few of the reviews:

Aspendragon: There might be some fluff. I'll just have to wait and see where my mind is.

Alenia Shadows: You know, I've never noticed it before, but Natoru _does _look like a weird ass dog!


	4. Chapter 4

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 4**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

Had anyone been looking up into the sky that night, they would have seen a most unusual sight.

A crow, carrying the marshmallow equivalent of a feline in his talons, while a living cat figurine and a tiny teenager ride on his back.

No one did look up, but it remained an unusual sight just the same.

Baron looked back at Haru, whose hair was fluttering in the wind. "How are you doing back there?" he asked.

"This is so cool Baron," Haru replied. And she meant it. Though truth be told, it was not quite as exhilarating as, say, being in free fall with only a murder of crows to keep you from becoming a red smear on the sidewalk.

And that's when something dawned on Haru. "Hey Toto! You said that it would've been too much weight to carry me, but last time you and your friends said I was as light as a feather. What gives? It doesn't make sense."

"Haru," Toto began, "you're hanging out with a living stone crow, a living cat doll, and a talking pig-cat, and you want things to _make sense?_"

"Toto raises a valid point," Baron said. "In adventures of a whimsical nature, it's probably best not to dwell on such details."

But Haru did need something to dwell on—something to keep her mind focused on—if she was to survive this adventure as a human.

It was still new to her, this experience of being small. Oh sure, she had been small before, but that was in the Cat Kingdom where she didn't feel small at all. And much of that time was spent as a half-cat. But now she was at Baron's scale _and _a human. And this brought with it an important revelation: whatever it was that Haru felt when Baron was near, it couldn't be attributed to mere feline hormones.

"Hey you guys," Muta grunted. "We're here."

Turning her attention down, Haru received her very first look at the secret entrance to the Cat Kingdom: a lake in the shape of a cat's paw.

"Well, this is where we part ways," Toto stated.

"You mean you're not coming with us?" Haru asked.

"A single bird in a kingdom of cats? No way! I'll be Toto McNuggets before I set foot on the ground!" He gave a sly grin at Muta. "Sorry, but this is where you get 'dropped' off."

"Wha-? What're you talkin'—" But that was about as far as Muta got before Toto opened his talons, thereby causing the fat feline to plummit. "I'll get you fer this, Birdbraaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn!" he howled, shaking his paw in defiance. He hit the water with a mighty 'sploosh', his massive bulk causing tremendous ripples.

"I believe we are next," Baron said. He took Haru by the hand, inspiring some pink color in her cheeks. "Fortunately, our descent shall be a little more dignified. Shall we?"

"Baron—" But before Haru could continue, she found herself leaping off of Toto's back with Baron. Falling rapidly, she closed her eyes as they approached the water, justifiably bracing herself for what she thought would be a major soaking upon contact.

She didn't feel a thing.

* * *

After what seemed like forever, Haru mustered up enough courage to re-open her eyes. And what she saw was herself, Baron (who was still holding her hand), and a disgruntled Muta, bone-dry and standing in front of the Royal Palace.

They were back in the Kingdom of Cats.

"Well now, things look peaceful enough so far," Baron observed. "Whatever your dreams may represent, Haru, I think we can safely assume that they are not a depiction of current events."

Haru glanced around. There certainly didn't appear to be any of the horrors from her dream: no burning cattail fields, no screaming cats. Everything looked perfect.

So why, then, did she still feel as if something was terribly wrong?

It was then that the three companions were approached by several of Prince Lune's Cat Guards—a much more regal looking bunch than the old Cat King's guards, who had been little more than a motley gang of hired goons.

The lead guard appeared quite shocked, and it didn't take long to figure out why. "It… it's the notorious criminal Renaldo Moon!"

Muta gulped. "Uh-oh, I was afraid of this!"

The guards drew their swords. "Quickly! We must kill him and burn his remains!"

"That's it! Time to make like a banana, and get outta here!"

And so Muta ran off, with a speed improbable for someone of his girth, and the Cat Guards pursued.

"I uh… I guess we should probably stop them," Haru said.

"Indeed we should," Baron agreed. He took off in pursuit, letting go of Haru's hand in the process, much to her disappointment… and relief.

**To be continued**

Well, sorry I took so long to update. Would've been sooner, but a new job and some computer rehab conspired to delay my progress. I'll try not to take so long with the next part (in which we return to the Hiromi sub-plot). R&R!


	5. Chapter 5

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 5**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

Standing atop the labyrinth wall, Hiromi had a better view of her surroundings: seemingly endless cattail fields, little kitty huts, and a magnificent castle. It was all like something out of a storybook… or an anime.

"Uh, excuse me," said the cat called Natoru. "You really shouldn't be up there; it's cheating."

"Relax. I just want a look at where I am." But Hiromi climbed back down anyway, having decided that she'd seen all that she needed to anyway, at least for the moment. "So what's the deal with this maze anyway? I mean, I don't see what this has to do with cats."

"Well then, allow me to explain." Natoru cleared his little cat throat before continuing. "The labyrinth was one of the largest endeavors ever to be undertaken by the Cat Kingdom—a project thirty cat years in the making. When the great criminal, Renaldo Moon, ate all of our fish and then ran off, we wanted a way of making sure that he would never be able to escape again, if he ever returned."

"And that's why you built a maze?"

Natoru nodded. "It's a lot harder to reach the tower this way. And the tower is the only way out of this kingdom." His head drooped. "But, unfortunately, it didn't work out the way we hoped. He still managed to get out."

"That seems like an awful lot of work to go through just to keep someone from escaping. Couldn't you have just locked the tower doors?"

Natoru thought about that for a moment. "Lock the doors… You know what? That's just crazy enough to work! You're really smart for someone so young!"

"Uh… Okay, I'll just assume that's a compliment."

It was then that Natoru noticed Hiromi's lacrosse stick, which she was still holding. "Uh, beg your pardon, but is that yours?"

Hiromi looked at the stick. "Yeah, it's mine."

"Well then! That explains why you seem so familiar! You're Miss Haru's friend, aren't you?"

The teen was surprised. "You know Haru?"

"Oh yes! Why, everyone here has heard of Miss Haru! She saved the life of the king's son about a year ago, and it was my job to reward her with a marvelous array of gifts." He drooped again. "Unfortunately, she didn't end up liking any of them. It was very embarrassing."

"No kidding." _Haru never told me about this. And I'm her best friend! What else has she been hiding from me?_

"Anyway, since it was your lacrosse stick she used to save the prince, we thought it was only fair that you should be rewarded as well."

"_My _lacrosse stick?" Realization dawned on Hiromi. "So that cat who was almost run over… he was your prince?"

"That was him alright! Prince Lune sometimes has trouble remembering to look both ways, but other than that he's the coolest to be sure!"

"And all of those lacrosse sticks, it was you who gave them to me?"

"Well, not just me. I can't carry a hundred sticks all by myself; believe me, I've tried!"

"But why a hundred sticks?"

"Well I know a thousand would have been more appropriate, but it was a budget thing."

Hiromi rolled her eyes. _Great, I'm stranded with the village idiot!_

"Still, I trust that you've been enjoying the sticks that we were able to give you, yes?"

"Actually, aside from this one, I threw them all out."

"What!" If Natoru's eyes had bulged any further out of his head, they might have been able to turn around and see the expression of shock on his face. "I don't understand! Weren't you enjoying the wishes?"

"Wishes?"

"Yes! They were _magic _lacrosse sticks! Why, each one has the power to grant its holder a single wish!"

"They did?" Hiromi couldn't believe it. Already she was beginning to imagine that, somewhere, some garbage-picking bum was now living a life of luxury.

"You mean you didn't know?"

"No! How was I supposed to know? I mean, it's not as if they came with instructions!"

Natoru slapped his forehead. "Oh, I _knew _there was something I forgot!"

Hiromi sighed with frustration; whether it was directed at Natoru or herself, was unclear.

"I'm terribly sorry about this," Natoru said, lowering his head in shame. "I would like to make it up to you if I can, although I am busy with other matters. Maybe someone at the palace can help you out. I'm heading back anyway; I can lead you there if you want."

Hiromi thought for a second, then shrugged. "Sure, why not?" It wasn't as if she was in a big hurry to leave. After all, had she not been complaining about how boring her life had become? She wanted an adventure, and a Kingdom of Cats—a realm where she felt so strangely at home that she could lose herself—seemed like a good place to find one.

And so the two companions were on their way… unaware of the two shadowy figures that were… shadowing them.

**To be continued**

Humor and suspense in one chapter. Does it get any better than that? We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?

Remember to R&R! I won't update otherwise, and that's a promise!


	6. Chapter 6

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 6**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

After a great deal of running and some explaining, Baron, with his usual charm, finally persuaded the Cat Guards to at least hold off on killing Muta until they could speak to someone in charge. With cautious suspicion, the guards lead Baron and the gang inside the Royal Palace. There, a cat that addressed himself as Colonel Whiskers greeted them. For a high-ranking military officer, he seemed to have an extremely friendly demeanor.

And considering that the whole palace seemed to have something of a somber atmosphere compared to last time, this struck Haru as something of a contrast… and an uneasy one at that.

"First of all, allow me to once again apologize for your unpleasant welcome," Colonel Whiskers said. "Our Cat Guards are fiercely vigilant when it comes to following orders. And the old Cat King's standing orders are that if Renaldo Moon ever returned, he is to be killed and his body burned into ashes."

Muta gulped. Looking at the guards, their weapons still drawn, he could see the look in their eyes—the look that said, _If you so much as _breath _wrong, we're taking you down!_

Haru raised her hand. "Uh, 'scuse me. I can sort of understand the whole killing part." Muta frowned. "But why do you want to burn his remains."

"It's not a question of want," the Colonel began to explain. "The Cat King felt it was important that nothing of him remained. He was concerned that some mad scientist might try to resurrect him, and then we would be stuck with a Frankenmoon."

"And does that sort of thing happen frequently?" Baron asked.

"To my knowledge, it has never happened." The Colonel shrugged. "But the Cat King… let's just say he had quite the imagination."

"He definitely was a character," Baron admitted.

"_Yeah, a character from a horror flick," _Haru muttered under her breath.

"But law or no law," the Colonel went on, "our guards can hardly be blamed for being overtly suspicious, considering all that is occurring in our kingdom right now."

"Why? What's going on?" asked a concerned Haru, who just remembered why she was there in the first place.

The Colonel was about to explain, when Yuki walked in. The little white cat bore on her face an expression of concern and fatigue.

"Yuki!" Haru suddenly felt more relieved to her friend alive, if not entirely well.

"Haru, what are you doing here?" Yuki asked. The tone of here voice carried with it a slight undertone of exasperated annoyance, as if she already had a lot of problems to deal with, and Haru's presence was one more complication she could deal without.

This startled Haru for a second, but only for a second. "I… I was worried about you. I wanted to make certain that you were okay." Haru then went on to describe her dreams to Yuki.

"Well, nothing like _that _has been happening around here," Yuki said, after Haru's explanation was finished. "Although we have fallen onto bad times."

"What do you mean?" Haru asked.

Yuki took a deep breath—which sounded more like a tired sigh—before beginning. "Do you remember how when you were here last time, Prince Lune was away for the most part?"

Haru nodded.

"It seems that he was investigating some unexplained disappearances in another part of the kingdom. He always meant to continue the search, but several things forced him to put it on hold. First, the Cat King went into retirement shortly after you left, as did Natori. So, it was Lune's responsibility to take over. And of course… there was the upcoming wedding.

"But about a few weeks ago, the disappearances started happening again. Cats have been vanishing all over the place, and nobody seems to know why. And now…" Yuki paused. She appeared to be on the verge of breaking into tears. "…And now Lune has disappeared as well!"

"Everyone in the Kingdom has been looking for him," the Colonel said, giving Yuki a break. "Why, we've even sent out Natoru seeing how short-handed we've become. But, alas, no one has reported back yet. And cats continue to disappear."

Haru was shocked… and confused. _Why would I be having dreams about Yuki if Lune is the one who's in trouble? _It just didn't seem to make sense.

But no matter what, Haru vowed that she wouldn't rest, wouldn't leave the Cat Kingdom, until it _did _make sense.

No matter what.

**To be continued**

Well folks, sorry it took so long to update. I've just been very preoccupied with a number of things: two jobs, an angry stepsister, a subscription that needs immediate renewing, AND NOW they're trying to sucker me into jury duty! (There is hope, though, that I can use my mental disability as grounds to get out of it.)

Anyhoo, please R&R!


	7. Chapter 7

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 7**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

"And as I gooooo, I love to siiiiiing, my napsack on my baaaaaack! Val-de-reeeeeeeeee! Val-de-rahhhhhhh! Val-de-reeeeeeeeee! Val-de-rah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

There was one thing Hiromi could say about her new feline companion: Natoru definitely knew how to keep his morale up. Despite the fact that his monarch leader and many others were missing, he was smiling and singing (albeit out of tune).

"Uh, Natoru," Hiromi asked, "are you sure we're going in the right direction?"

"Well, sure I'm sure," he replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Well it's just that we seem to be moving farther away from the palace, instead of getting closer."

Natoru thought about that for a moment. "You know something; I do believe you're right! I'd better check the map just to be certain."

And so Natoru whipped out an oversized map of the labyrinth. Where exactly he whipped it out from was anyone's guess, for the unclothed kitty did not possess any pockets, nor was he carrying any sort of bag. Yet Hiromi never bothered to question this… any more than she saw fit to wonder why she and Natoru now seemed to be of the same height.

"Hmm, now let's see here," Natoru said, as he examined the map. "It doesn't look like we've been going the wrong way. Unless…" He slapped his forehead with his paw. "Oh, of course!"

"What? What is it?"

Natoru flipped the map around. "Silly me! I had the darn thing upside down!"

Hiromi nearly fell down anime-style. _Oh, terrific!_

"It sure is lucky that you noticed we were going the wrong way when you did," Natoru said. "Then again, maybe luck didn't have anything to do with it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you are a very smart girl, after all."

Hiromi smiled. "Well, I can't argue with that."

"And they say that pretty girls have no brains!"

She blushed. "Oh, well…"

"And why is it that the cute ones are always athletic as well? You certainly do have a lot going for you!"

"Yes, I certainly… Man, you sure do like to complement others, don't you?"

Natoru nodded. "Oh, indeed I do! That's my job after all!"

"It's your job?"

"Mm-hmm! And I have the license to prove it too!"

The cat then proceeded to pull out a lamented card (evidently from the same unidentified place that he kept the map) and handed it to Hiromi. The card displayed a photo of Natoru wearing a big grin on his face, and next to that was typed out the following words:

**Natoru T. Cat**

**Licensed Toady**

"Wow, you need a license for everything these days," Hiromi observed. "What does the 'T' stand for?"

"It stands for 'The'."

"Figures. So, wait, does this mean that you don't really mean any of the things you said? That the only reason you say nice things about me is because it's your job?"

"Well, yes. I mean no! I mean—" If felines possessed sweat glands, Natoru would have been in soaking in a puddle of his own perspiration by now. "Oh, darn! What I wouldn't give for a convenient distraction right about now."

"Such as two scouts from the Nega Kingdom?" asked a mysterious and ominous voice.

"Oh yes, that would do nicely," answered Natoru, before he and Hiromi did something of a double take. Turning around simultaneously, they found themselves face-to-face with a pair of the most sinister-looking cats Hiromi had ever had the misfortune of seeing.

Or were they cats?

To Hiromi's eyes, they looked more like the black silhouettes of cats, with their glowing red eyes being their only visible features.

Whatever they were, they sent an awful chill up Hiromi's spine, as if their very presence was draining all warmth from the area.

She did not like it one bit; she did not like _them._

Neither did Natoru. "Oh, dear! Oh, my, my, my! Oh, we're in trouble!"

The shorter of the two figures looked up at his taller companion and asked, "Is she the one?"

"Yes," the taller one answered with a slight hiss. "She will serve our Master's purposes nicely."

"Uh… O-okay," Hiromi stammered, slowly stepping backward. "Unless you've been lying about your gender, Natoru, I'm gonna assume they're talking about me. And if they are, then I think I should…"

"Run like your tail is on fire!" Natoru cried.

"Damn right!" And with that, the two of them were off, with the two shadowy figures in hot (if such a word could be applied to them) pursuit.

**To be continued**

Once again, I'm sorry for taking so long. It really has been a hectic time for me, what with the holiday season coming up and all. And I probably won't have another free moment until after Christmas, so the next chappie might also be late in coming. Still, I do hope that this installment (though shorter than originally planned) is enough to tide you over until then. And I'll try to make the next one worth your wait.

So, if I don't get a chance to say so at the appropriate time, have a safe and happy holiday!

(Oh yeah, and dont forget to review!)


	8. Chapter 8

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 8**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

Haru waited in the throne room while Yuki and Colonel Whiskers discussed in private her request in investigating all of the disappearances. Baron and Muta stood off in one corner having a private conversation of their own. And it looked as though Muta was not particularly keen on whatever it was that Baron was saying to him; he kept making 'aw no' gestures with his paws.

Yet this seemed to matter little to Haru, as all she could think about was how tough things were for Yuki.

"Poor Yuki," Haru said, drawing the attention of her two companions. "She must really be upset. Not only is the person she loves missing, but now she has to function as his replacement as well! I mean, the first one is bad enough, but _both_?"

"Yes, the first one is bad enough indeed," concurred Baron with a level of genuine sincerity. "To be parted from the one you love, and not even know what has become of them… is something I would not wish upon anyone."

There was something about Baron's tone that made Haru wonder if perhaps he was speaking out of personal experience. Maybe there was a lady in Baron's past—a Baroness perhaps?

_Well, I certainly wouldn't mind filling that role!_

Haru giggled. She knew that was an extremely selfish thing to think for a number of reasons, but she just couldn't help herself.

_Baroness Haru Von Gikkingen… Has a nice ring to it…_

"Haru!"

The sound of Baron's voice jarred Haru out of her little daydream. "Hm? Oh, sorry Baron. I was just—" But that was about as far as Haru got, as she felt her ears twitch…

…On the top of her head.

Haru was speechless, frozen in her steps. She couldn't even bring herself to reach up and touch them. _Oh, please tell me this isn't happening!_

"Concentrate, Haru," Baron said, his voice soothing and composed. "Visualize your true self."

And so Haru did, regardless of how corny it sounded. She closed her eyes tight, and she concentrated, repeating the same lines over and over again in her head. _I am Haru. I am human. I decide who I am and what I do._

Finally, she reached up, and breathed a sigh of relief when she found her ears where they were supposed to be. "Ho, boy… That was a close one."

"You must be careful not to lose yourself," Baron reminded her.

"Yeah," Muta added. "For a minute there, you were goin' all 'Gigli' on us."

"Uh, it's pronounced 'giggly'."

"Make up yer mind, kiddo!"

It was at that moment that Yuki and the Colonel finally re-entered the throne room. Yuki looked as withdrawn as ever.

"You're back," Haru said. "So what's the verdict? Are you gonna let us help you search for Price Lune and the others?"

There was the briefest of pauses before Yuki gave her answer.

"No."

Dead silence. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Haru spoke up. "Say what?"

"Haru…" Yuki spoke slowly. "I appreciate your offer of help, really I do."

"But…"

"But it's too dangerous for you to stay here. It was back then, and it is now. If you stay, you will lose yourself."

"No, I won't," Haru protested. "I can control my thoughts, really." But even as she said the words, Haru knew there was truth to what Yuki was saying.

But she wasn't about to let that stop her.

"I cannot take that risk," Yuki continued. "That fact is, Haru, I just don't have the energy to be worrying about the kingdom _and _you at the same time. I'm afraid I must ask you to leave."

"But Yuki—"

"The lady has spoken," Colonel Whiskers interrupted. "You will be safely escorted home at once."

"Fine by me," Muta muttered. "I didn't wanna come here anyway."

"But you can't! I—"

Baron spoke up. "We certainly don't want to cause any trouble. If you wish it, we will be on our way."

Haru couldn't believe what she'd just heard. _Baron… Giving up? What's wrong with this picture?_

As the trio was escorted out of the palace by two Cat Guards, Haru whispered, "Baron, we're not really just gonna pack up and leave, are we?"

"Of course not," he quietly replied. "As one who has made it his life to stick his nose into other people's affairs, I am not so easily dissuaded." He gave her a wink. "Just follow my lead, and you will see."

Haru smiled. _I knew it! I knew he wouldn't let me down! He really is so cool! _

That last thought, she quickly shook from her head. Haru knew needed to stay focused; it wouldn't do well to have Yuki's fears justified.

**To be continued**

Well, R&R. That's about all I have to say right now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 9**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

As the Cat Guards escorted the three companions away from the castle, Haru did her best not to betray any hint of what Baron was planning. True, she had no inkling of what this plan was, but she knew that there _was_ a plan. And she certainly didn't want the Guards knowing that she knew there was a plan. For if they knew that she knew there was a plan, it would certainly ruin the plan, whatever it may be.

Life can be so complicated sometimes, especially where talking cats are involved.

At first, Baron remained completely expressionless, and gave no hint that he had put anything into motion. The farther they got from the palace, the more Haru began to wonder when they were going to make the move, whatever that move was. _Let's not go there again._

Finally, once they were a good distance away, Baron looked over at Muta. He didn't say a word, just nodded slightly.

Muta grumbled. "_You owe me big fer this._"

With that, Muta began walking in the opposite direction. The Cat Guards, quite naturally, did not react well to this at all. "Where are you going? The exit is in _that _direction!"

But Muta just ignored them, and continued walking away.

"Are you listening to me?" the Guard asked with annoyance. "We are to escort you to the exit! Deviations will not be tolerated! Get back here at once!"

"Naw, I don't think so," Muta said. "In fact, I think I'd much rather… _go and eat all of the fish in the lake again!_" And with that, Muta bolted off at again-impossible speeds.

To say that the Guards were alarmed would be an understatement. "After him! We can't let him have our fish! Not again!"

The two Guards pursued. As they considered the great criminal Renaldo Moon to be a threat of the highest priority, they gave little to no thought about abandoning their two other charges.

Which is exactly what the Baron had been counting on.

Haru just stood there, staring in astonishment. "So… that was the plan?" she asked. "That's what you were talking to Muta about earlier?"

Baron nodded. "I knew there was a slight possibility that our help might be denied. So I told Muta that, if the situation arose, he would have to offer a 'diversion'."

A sly smile crossed Haru's face. "So you've tricked him into being bait again!"

Baron shrugged, and gave his own sly smile. "It's worked well in the past. And if something works, you should go with it."

She laughed. She knew it was rather rude to make light of Muta's predicament, but she couldn't help herself. "But what happens if he gets caught?" she asked, temporarily regaining her wits.

"Oh, Muta rarely ever gets caught," Baron said matter-of-factly. "It's what makes him so valued a proxy."

Haru laughed again. _Oh, poor Muta! He never seems to catch a break in these things. Listen to me, I'm starting to sound like a fanfic reviewer!_

"In any case," Baron continued, "he will keep them busy for quite some time. And it is that time that you and I shall use to get to the bottom of these disappearances. Shall we?"

Haru nodded. "Mm-hm. Lead on." _I just hope that Muta can keep running._

* * *

Hiromi couldn't keep running.

This was the longest and fastest that she had ever run. She was quite athletic, and fear can be quite a contributing factor when it comes to locomotion. She didn't look back. She hadn't even stopped when one of her shoes came off.

But sooner or later, fatigue will take its toll, and Hiromi found that this was one toll she didn't have exact change for. After passing one more corner, she and the equally exhausted Natoru just had to risk stopping so as to catch their breaths. Both of them just collapsed with their backs leaning against one another.

"I… I think… think we lost them," Natoru panted.

Hiromi looked behind them, wiping some sweat-soaked strands of hair away from her eyes. It sure didn't look like their pursuers were still following. And now it was time for some Q-&-A. "So, uh… so just… who were those guys anyway? I've… never seen cats like those before."

"Well… that's probably because they're not cats," Natoru corrected. "They're _kats_."

"Kats?" This made no sense to Hiromi at all. "I don't get it. What are kats?"

Natoru prepared to explain, but another voice answered for him.

"Who are we? _We are the future._"

Almost in perfect sync, the duo looked up to find another 'kat' standing atop the labyrinth wall. Again, simply looking upon this creature was enough to steal the warmth from Hiromi's soul, and in an instant, the sweat on her brow became the cold sweat of fear.

The kat looked forward, placed its 'paws' around its 'mouth' and began crying out: "Woem! Woem! Woem! Woem!"

For a moment—and only a moment—Hiromi's fear was temporarily supplanted by befuddlement. "Woem?"

And then—faster than you can say 'over the weight limit'—Hiromi and Natoru found themselves being carried away by an entire swarm of kats.

It was a scene that, unbeknownst to many at the time, had been happening repeatedly for a year, and more so in recent months. The kats had always managed to claim their victims without leaving any evidence, or having any witnesses. They believed this time to be no different than the others.

They were wrong.

This time, there _was _evidence. There _was_ a witness.

Such things have a way of complicating matters.

Especially where talking cats are involved.

**To be continued**

Well I must say that this chapter turned out a whole lot better than I expected! And the next one should prove more interesting still.

However, you should know that I've decided not to post the next chapter until I receive at **least five reviews for this one**. It pains me to have to resort to such underhanded tactics, but the lack of reviews I've gotten for the last few chapters has been rather irritating. Any feedback at all would be most appreciated.


	10. Chapter 10

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 10**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

Baron decided that, in order to get to the bottom of thing, he and Haru should first learn as much as they could about these disappearances. To that end, they made their way to the cattail fields, where the bulk of the Cat Kingdom's population was known to reside. Discreetly, they traveled from door to door, questioning every cat they could find. Everyone they had spoken with responded with roughly the same story: that a friend or family member had gone out to run a simple errand, and never came back.

This was, of course, not particularly helpful as it didn't provide our heroes with anything they didn't already know. The only thing they seemed to be accomplishing was upsetting the locals; almost everyone in the kingdom had lost a loved one, and the last thing they wanted was to be reminded of the fact that no one seemed to have any answers. Yet the Baron, ever patient, remained steadfast in his resolve to get to the bottom of things.

Haru, on the other hand, was a bit more susceptible to frustration than the Baron. And after several fruitless hours, she found herself seriously contemplating giving up. Even though the horrible imagery of her dreams still haunted her, she couldn't help but wonder what she hoped to accomplish. Whatever was going on in the Cat Kingdom, it seemed like too big a crisis for a simple schoolgirl like Haru to deal with… even if she did have the Baron on her side.

As the list of people to question grew shorter and shorter, Haru finally threw her hands up in a gesture of defeat. "This is ridiculous!" she cried aloud, drawing Baron's surprised attention. "We're never gonna solve this mystery! It's hopeless!"

"You shouldn't say things like that," Baron said assuredly. "Giving in to despair will accomplish nothing."

"Well in case you haven't noticed, we're not accomplishing much of anything right now! I mean, most of these people have been questioned by the Cat Guards already, and they didn't learn anything helpful."

Groaning in frustration, Haru plopped herself down on a nearby rock and began massaging the sides of her head. "I'm sorry, Baron," she said after a moment. "I shouldn't have blown up at you like that."

"Your feelings are understandable," Baron said "all things considered. But you must remember to control your feelings, if for nothing else but to remain your true self. I trust I do not need to clarify that."

No, he didn't. Haru knew exactly what he was talking about, and was in full agreement. "You're right, Baron," she said, getting back on her feet. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. And you're right as well; most of these cats have indeed already been questioned. But let me point out that the key word here is _most _and not _all_. I am not wholly convinced that these crimes have gone unnoticed. There must be a witness; we just need to keep looking."

"If a witness is what you need, then look no further."

Both Haru and Baron were startled by the strange voice. Turning around, they saw a scruffy, orange cat standing their, with a brown bag thrown over his left shoulder. "Hello,' he said in a raspy, yet pleasant, voice.

Baron was the first to respond. "Hello there. Is there something we can help you with?"

The scruffy cat laughed. "Help me? No, no, no! Other way, I think! I know who you are, both of you. Mmm, yes. But then, who wouldn't, eh? Quite the ruckus you caused here last time, the noise from which casts its echoes still. Mmm, but that is a different matter I think, yes? Mmm, we shall see."

"Oooookay…" Not surprisingly, Haru felt compelled to put a few feet of space between herself and the cat.

"So you know who we are," Baron said. "Then you have us at a disadvantage, for you have yet to tell us your name."

"Tell you my name? Oh, mmm, no, no, no! Much danger in telling names! Names have power. Words have power. But, mmm, you must call me something I suppose, yes? Of course you must; it is your way. Very well, you may call me Nemo then." He chuckled. "Mmm, yes, Nemo is very appropriate, don't you agree?"

"Uhhh, sure. Well, Nemo, me and Baron are just gonna go stand over here now…"

But Baron cut in. "Now Haru, let's not be rude. I'm sure that Mr. Nemo has good reason for requesting a moment of our time."

"No mister, just _Nemo_. And did I request anything? No, no! _You_ are the ones looking for something. And Nemo has come to help as only Nemo can."

Haru's curiosity was piqued. "You know something about the disappearances, don't you?"

"Oh, Nemo knows many, many things. But do people listen? No! Crazy, they call me! Crazy Nemo, instead of just _Nemo_! Are they right? Mmm, maybe. But then, just because one is crazy, doesn't mean they don't have something important to share, as this one does. Oh yes, much to share!

"Hours ago I was walking through the great maze. Why was I there? Mmm, not important. Only important is what was seen. Creatures of shadow! Mmm, yes! I saw them. They kidnapped two: one cat, and one who is not a cat." He reached into his brown bag, and pulled out a running shoe. "This was hers, the one who is not a cat; she lost it while running, yes."

Haru examined the shoe. There was something disturbingly familiar about it, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. _Well, this is a pretty common shoe style. I've probably seen a least a dozen people wearing it. But still… _"Wait a minute, are you telling that there's a human in the Cat Kingdom?"

"Well of course there is! You are human, yes? But besides you, yes, there is another human. For how much longer though, who can say? A dangerous place this is, now for cats as well as humans."

"So it would seem," Baron agreed. "You mentioned something about creatures of shadow?"

"Mmm, yes, creatures of shadow. Very bad. Nemo knows what name they go by, but he will not speak it here! No, no! But where they live—if living it can be called—oh, that is known as well. Come! Follow Nemo! He will show you the way, yes!"

Nemo began walking off, gesturing his paw for the others to follow. Haru looked at Baron, wondering if they were going to comply. "Baron?"

The dapper cat figurine shrugged. "So far, he would seem to be our best lead."

"Yes, but doesn't he seem a bit… well, off?"

"Perhaps. But as he said, even the eccentric can have something to say."

"I believe I said 'crazy'," Nemo corrected, looking back.

"I am aware of that. I merely wished to be polite."

"Then you are rare; for few are polite to Nemo at all. Mmm, yes. Many rude cats there are…"

Baron turned back to Haru. "In any case, he does know something; you're holding the proof in your hands."

Haru looked again at the running shoe. She had to admit, this was something she couldn't ignore. If there was another human in the Cat Kingdom, then it was important that they find out.

And the more she looked at the shoe, the more unsettled she became. _I know I've seen this somewhere before… but where? C'mon Haru! This is no time to be a scatterbrain! THINK!_

**To be continued**

Well, I must say, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Mmm, yes. A lot of fun indeed…

I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I feel somewhat ashamed for making such an ultimatum. There won't be any further demands like that from now on, though I still expect there to be some reviews.


	11. Chapter 11

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 11**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

Baron and Haru followed their mysterious new ally as he led them on a rather erratic path through the Kingdom of Cats, muttering to himself all the way. To be honest, Haru still had some doubts about this "Nemo" character. Granted, the ominously familiar shoe that he presented raised some interesting questions. But she wasn't sure how much faith she could place in one who seemed so strange in the head.

With Baron, however, it was a different story. True to his open-minded nature, he was willing to give even Nemo the benefit of the doubt. There seemed to be no end to his patience or acceptance… which would probably go a long way to explaining his friendship with Muta.

Speaking of whom… "I hope Muta's okay," Haru said. "It's been hours now. I mean, it's not like he couldn't use the exercise and all, but still—"

"Oh, don't you worry about Muta," Baron said assuredly. "He knows how to keep himself from being caught."

"Muta?" Nemo stopped for a moment, and looked back. "Oh, is that what the fat one calls himself now?"

"It's what we call him, at least," Baron said. "Do you know him?"

"Mmm, possibly, possibly. Or was that a forest spirit? No, no. They can only be seen by children, yes? And Nemo is very, _very _old—far older than even the fat one, perhaps. But, mmm, not important. Come! We are close now! Mmm, yes, very close. Soft and quick we must be."

Haru mentally grimaced. _If this guy mutters "my precious", I swear I'm out of here!_

* * *

When the finally got to where Nemo was leading them, Haru almost wished that she _had _left.

It was a barren (not to be confused with "Baron") wasteland. The few trees that still remained were withered and dead, little more than hollow logs. Even the soil beneath their feet looked as though it had been drained of all minerals long ago. It just looked… dead.

And it was cold—very cold. Yet it didn't seem to be weather related. To Haru, it was more like living inside a house that was not properly insulated: the furnace may be turned on, but any heat generated leaks out and the house remains chilly. However, this was not the most accurate description, as it didn't feel like the heat was leaking so much as it was being siphoned away.

Like it was being _drained_.

Yes, that was the word that best described this environment. This was a place that had been drained.

Shivering, Haru wrapped her arms around herself. _Of all the days to wear short sleeves!_

Baron picked up on this discomfort immediately, and, like a true gentlefigurine, placed his coat around Haru's shoulders. This evoked some pinkness in her cheeks, followed by a "thank you".

"Your welcome." Haru noticed that there was a somewhat somber tone in Baron's voice now—not that she could blame him. _I don't think anyone could feel upbeat in a place like this._

"Where are we?" Haru finally asked. "What is this place?"

"What it is? Mmm, no, no. What it _isn't _would be more appropriate. It isn't a place with life. No, nothing lives here, nothing at all. And nothing living comes here by choice of want. The Hollow Lands they call it. Yes, mmm, a very good name for a very bad place. Little wonder that they would exist here."

"They?" Haru asked. "Who's 'they'? Someone actually lives here?"

"No one lives here! No, no! But, mmm, there are things that _exist _here. Or do they exist? Mmm, difficult to say. But they are a threat, oh yes! They threaten the whole Cat Kingdom, and maybe more. This is why you must stop them… and why Nemo must go now."

"You are not coming with us?" Baron asked.

"No, no! Heroes come in many forms, and many ways are there to be a hero. Some fight. Some take action. Some stare Death in the face, and do not run. But Nemo? Mmm, Nemo's role is quite different. Nemo watches, he learns, and he shares what he knows. And there is much sharing to be done before the end. Oh yes—much to share!"

The strange cat began to leave. "Much luck to you, Baron. Much luck to you…. Ah, hmm, what to call you…"

"Haru! My name is Haru. Haven't we said that already?"

"That is one of your names, yes. But is there another? Mmm, we shall see. In any case, remember the words of the Baron: trust in yourself. No greater defense can you have against… against a _kat_."

"A kat?" But before Haru could inquire further, Nemo was already sprinting away. "Well that was about the weirdest conversation I've ever had. Baron, do you have any idea—"

"But that was about as far as Haru got. Turning to Baron, she saw something she had never seen before—something that froze her heart far more than the Hollow Lands ever could.

Baron bore an expression of dread on his face.

In fact, if Haru didn't know any better, she would even call it an expression of _fear_.

"B-Baron? Baron, are you alright?"

"I… Yes, Haru. Yes, _I'm _alright. It's just… I must ask you something. And please be honest."

"Um, okay."

"Have you ever encountered evil before? And I'm not referring to the simple, petty cruelties that you might encounter in your day-to-day life. I'm talking about _pure _evil."

Haru thought about that for a moment. "Uh, no, not really, I guess."

"I didn't think so." There was a great deal of sympathy—not to mention worry—in his eyes. "You are young and still at the beginning of life's journey. There are many trials you have yet to face—experiences that will shape you into the person you are meant to be."

Baron paused. He looked out upon the uninviting landscape. "And if this place is what I think it is, then you may face your most difficult trial yet."

**To be continued**

Well my friends, I hope you're prepared, because this story is about to get a tad bit darker. But don't fret! True to the style of "The Cat Returns", it won't be _too _dark. Indeed, you can expect plenty more humor, fun surprises, and maybe a subtle Miyazaki reference or two along the way. (So R&R if you know what's good for you!)


	12. Chapter 12

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 12**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

Hiromi didn't particularly enjoy being dragged underground and thrown into a dungeon along side Natoru—that just didn't rank high on her list of pleasurable things. But pleasure, it seems, was of little relevance here.

She looked around. It was your stereotypical dungeon: dank, poorly lit, and foul-smelling. And judging from the odour, it was the kind of dungeon that didn't come equipped with 'facilities'. _Guess I'm holding it._

Hiromi turned to Natoru. "Man, the only thing this place needs to complete the look is a few rats, eh?"

"Why would they put rats in here?" asked a confused Natoru. "Isn't this supposed to be punishment?"

"What? Oh, that's right. Cats eat rodents, don't they? So I guess keeping this place vermin free would be like a kind of torture to you."

"It is torture in many ways," said a regal, yet weary voice. Stepping out from the shadows of their cell emerged a black cat with one red eye and one blue eye. Both Hiromi and Natoru recognised this individual right away.

"You… You're the cat with the present! The one who almost got run over!"

"Prince Lune! You're okay!"

"That is a matter of opinion," Prince Lune said. "I am alive, yes. But I doubt that any of us will be for much longer." He gestured towards the area behind him. In huddled masses, Hiromi could make out dozens of cats who appeared to be despondent, spiritually broken… and in various states of transparency.

Hiromi shuddered. "Wha… what's wrong with them?"

Prince Lune sighed. "This place, the Hollow Lands, is a nexus of evil. Stay here long enough and it will eventually drain you of everything. It is the perfect place, I suppose, for _them_."

"_Them?_" Hiromi asked. "You mean those creepy-looking cats?"

"They are not cats," Prince Lune corrected. "They are _kats_."

"Kats?"

"Yes, kats with a 'k' They _used _to be cats, but not anymore."

"Why? What happened?"

"No one knows for certain. However, it is believed that they became so consumed with negative emotions, so wrapped up in anger, fear, and despair, their souls practically collapsed in on themselves. Now they are quite literally shadows of their former selves.

"They have come to embrace nihilism. They seek the destruction of all things—both physical and spiritual. Until now, I thought them only a myth, a scary story my father used to tell me. But I know now that they are the ones who have been cat-napping my people, though I do not know what sinister plot they have in the works.

"The most unsettling thing is that, in the case of my Cat Guards, they seemed to know exactly where they would be when they took them. It is almost as if someone told them in advance how to find us. I fear we may have a traitor within the Royal Palace."

"And what about the 'woem, woem'? What's the deal with that?"

"That is 'meow' spelled backwards."

"…You're kidding, right?"

Another sigh. "They are evil, not creative."

But before anything else could be said on the matter, two kats unlocked the cell and came for Hiromi. "You! Our master wishes to speak with you."

"Now wait just a minute!" Hiromi protested. But the kats proved to be far stronger than they appeared, and quickly subdued her.

"Leave her alone!" Lune cried. However, a swift strike to the backside of his head quickly rendered him unconscious.

"Your Highness!" And poor Natoru was briefly torn between trying to save Hiromi and tending to his injured prince; ultimately, he chose the latter.

Against her will, Hiromi was 'escorted' into a large chamber. There, a particularly tall, particularly ominous looking, kat was sitting upon an obsidian-hued throne.

_Gee, _Hiromi thought sarcastically, _I wonder if this is their leader._

"Come closer," he hissed in a voice both deep and raspy. The two cats pushed Hiromi forth, causing her to trip and fall in the process. Coincidentally, it looked as though she were actually _kneeling _before the kat.

"Allow me to introduce myself," he said. "My name is Iphitus."

"A fetus? What, does that mean you're a big baby or something?" Hiromi giggled, though it was mostly forced. Often times she had used humour as a coping device. Yet the cold stare of Iphitus chilled her blood to such a degree that no lame pun could help her.

"Some say that laughter is the best medicine," Iphitus said, unnerved by her joke. "But there is only one way to end the pain forever: oblivion. We kats understand this. We accept the Nothing. We embrace the Nothing. For only in the Nothing can true peace be found.

"After all, did not Buddha himself say that existence is suffering? Therefore, the only way to end suffering is to end existence. That is our holy mission. And you, Hiromi, shall be the instrument by which we shall bring the gift of Nothing to all."

"Wh-what do you mean?" asked Hiromi, though she was pretty certain she wasn't going to like the answer.

"The Hollow Lands are a very special place. It feeds upon the energy within all life. And, as with all feeding, a kind of… waste is eventually produced, though it is of no waste to us."

Iphitus reached towards a table next to his throne. He picked up and presented a baseball-sized black orb. "We call it the Stone of Cat-astrophe. Beautiful, yes? It took the energy of all of those cats we captured in order to create it. Yet the effort will be well worth it, for with this stone we shall finally be able to summon the Great Destroyer himself!

"But activating the stone will require blood." He paused, and focused his glowing red eyes on Hiromi. "But not just any blood, mind you. No, we must have the blood of the Harbinger's feline friend! At first, we thought that would have to be Yuki, the future Queen. But fate has blessed us with an even more convenient sacrifice!"

Now Hiromi knew that she didn't like where this was going. But then, she suddenly realised something. "Hey, wait! I can't be the one you want!"

Iphitus cocked his head. "Oh?"

"You said 'the Harbinger's feline friend', right? Well, I have no idea who this 'harbinger' person is, but I'm a human, not a feline. So it can't possibly be me, right?"

Something that sounded like a cross between a laugh and a hiss came out of Iphitus' mouth.

"What? What's so funny?"

Iphitus nodded at one of his servants who scurried out of the area, returning a few moments later with a body-length mirror. Hiromi looked into the mirror… and was immediately shocked by what she saw.

Ears.

Whiskers.

A tail.

Hiromi didn't look like a human anymore; and she responded to this revelation in the only appropriate way she could think of.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Iphitus smiled. "Prepare her for the ceremony. And make certain she's properly dressed."

**To be continued**

You think that's freaky? You ain't seen nothing yet! (And you won't if you don't R&R!)


	13. Chapter 13

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 13**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

Having discovered and entered an underground tunnel, Haru found that she didn't like the Hollow Lands anymore beneath the earth than above it. Both Haru and the Baron were now moving down a long, dark, cold tunnel. Even though there were plenty of wall-mounted torches to light the way, it still felt like a place devoid of warmth. And quite frankly, she found no comfort in Baron's explanation of what kats were, and how he came to know of their deeds.

"Louise, my betrothed and I, were born in a far off land," Baron said, seemingly staring off into space. "Back then, magic was still alive in our town. And the streets were lined with shops where the descendents of magicians worked as artisans. The craftsman who made us was a poor apprentice doll maker. But Louise and I were happy, for the man who made us gave us the ability to love. Then, one day…"

Baron went on to tell the incredibly sad tale of how the kats arranged for Louise to be abducted, and how he had spent years searching for her. His search eventually came to an end, but by then it was too late: Louise had given up all hope of ever being rescued, and her soul had collapsed in on itself. All that remained was a lifeless doll.

"In many ways," Baron said, "that was the primary motivating factor behind my founding the Cat Bureau. You could say that I've made it my life's mission to try and prevent others from losing themselves as my Louise did."

"I… I never knew," Haru said.

Baron stopped walking for a moment. He looked at Haru with eyes dead serious, yet full of compassion. "You must understand, Haru. Louise was perhaps the most good-natured figurine I had ever known, or will ever know. And yet she proved to be as vulnerable to despair as anyone else. Why she chose to give up when I chose to fight on, I will never know. I suppose… I suppose we can never be certain of what we are made of until we face that most critical of tests."

Haru gulped. Now she was beginning to understand Baron's concerns. Looking down the dark, foreboding tunnel, she did feel as though some great and terrible test awaited her on the other end.

She could only hope that she would fare better than Louise did.

* * *

Eventually, the two heroes found themselves in a vast dungeon. And it was all Haru could do to hold back a shudder. Many of the prisoners looked as though they were transparent. Empty.

_Drained._

"Well… it appears we now know what has happened to the kidnapped cats," Baron said rather gravely. "Curious though. I would have thought there would be guards here."

"Is that you Baron?" asked a familiar voice. Baron turned towards one of the cells to find Prince Lune nursing a large lump on his head. Natoru was faithfully by his side.

"Your Highness!" Baron exclaimed. "Are you alright?"

"No Baron, I am not alright! I am nowhere near alright! None of us are! The kats! They are going to unleash the Great Destroyer! They wish to bring about the end of our world!" He looked at Haru. "Your friend, Haru… she is to be the sacrifice!"

"My… friend?" Haru was confused. But then, looking down at the shoe she still possessed, a frightening realisation dawned. _Oh, no…_

"It's Miss Hiromi," Natoru confirmed. "She came here to the Cat Kingdom. Oh, she was very nice to me. And now those awful kats are going to sacrifice her!"

_What was Hiromi doing here in the Cat Kingdom?_ But Haru would have to figure that out later. Right now there were more important things to worry about.

"Baron!" she cried. "Baron, we have to do something! We can't let them hurt Hiromi!"

"I fear they plan to do much more than merely hurt her," Baron admitted grimly. "But, yes, we must do something. First, however, we need a plan... and a disguise."

**To be continued**

Yes, I know. This was a very short chapter, merely setting the stage for what's to come. But next chapter… Oh, next chapter will make up for it! Next chapter is where we kick it into high gear!

So be sure to tune in! Same cat time, same cat channel!


	14. Chapter 14

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 14**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

All of the kats had gathered within the main chamber. Even the dungeon guards had come. This was the day they had all been waiting for, and none were going to be left out.

Sitting upon his throne, grasping a confiscated lacrosse stick in his paws, Iphitus addressed his followers. "Rejoice, my brethren! The time of nullification has finally come! The end of all things is at hand!"

This was met with an enthusiastic chanting of "woem, woem".

Iphitus continued. "They dismissed our beliefs as insanity, but clearly fate is on our side! For it is fate that has brought us the sacrifice we need!"

He gestured towards the edge of a large pit. There, tied up a la Fay Wray, and wearing a black frock, was Hiromi.

More chanting of "woem, woem".

Hiromi, still weeping over her predicament of being half-feline, seemed oblivious to events around her. She certainly didn't react when one kat came forth and placed the Stone of Cat-astrophe in front of her.

"You cry now, but soon you will cry no more," Iphitus said. "No one will ever cry again. Through your blood, we will bring an end to the suffering and chaos that is life, so take heart!"

"Woem, woem!"

Now a figure in grey robes and a hood approached Hiromi. This time, she _did _take notice, as the figure drew forth a knife.

"Wha… What are you going to do with that?"

More chanting from the crowd. "Woem, woem!"

The figure raised the knife.

"Oh, no…"

Iphitus watched with growing anticipation. "This is it!"

"Woem, woem!"

The figure prepared to strike.

"No, please!"

"Woem, woem!"

"PLEASE, I…"

The figure struck.

_**Slash.**_

_**Slash.**_

Everyone gasped.

…Including Hiromi.

The hooded figure had cut the ropes binding the would-be sacrifice, who stood there now in shock and confusion.

Iphitus stood up from his throne. "You are not one of my monks. Exactly who are you!"

The figure slowly turned to face the crowd, pulling back the hood to reveal…

…To reveal the face of a young woman.

"I'm Haru Yoshioka, and I've come for Hiromi!"

Hiromi, thrilled to see a friendly face at last, threw her arms around her dear friend. "Haru!"

Now there were even larger gasps from the crowd, and none appeared more disturbed than Iphitus himself.

"Har… Har… Harbinger! The Harbinger has come! Seize them both!"

The two friends prepared to make a run for it, but were quickly surrounded by angry kats.

"Oh, these guys look pissed!" Hiromi said. "Uh, you did have an escape plan for getting out of here, didn't you?"

"What, you think you I would've done this if I hadn't? Of course there's a plan! And here it comes now!"

From one of the many entranceways came a new complication for the kats: Baron, followed by a freed Prince Lune, as well as numerous other prisoners who were still hale.

"You didn't invite us to this party…" Baron began.

"…So we thought we would crash!" Lune finished.

As for the less-than-hale prisoners, Natoru was busy leading them out the "emergency exit"—a task with which he had some prior experience. But the kats were too focused on the threat of Baron and Lune to pay that much notice, just as they failed to notice that Haru and Hiromi were again trying to escape.

"Oh, Haru!" Hiromi wailed, feeling her ears. "Look at me! I'm a freak! Tsuge will never want me now!"

"Don't worry about it! We just need to get you out of here before sunrise, and you'll change back to your old self."

"Really?"

"Yes, but we've gotta get out of here, so let's move it!"

"No, wait!" Hiromi stopped for a moment to pick of the Stone of Cat-astrophe. "This thing is very important to them. I don't think we should let them have it."

Haru nodded in agreement. They turned to move, only to be blocked off again—this time by none other than Iphitus himself.

"Neither of you are going anywhere! We have worked too long for this moment to have it all thwarted by the likes of—"

But that was as far as Iphitus got. Haru cut him off in mid sentence… with a swift kick in his "kat cojones". Iphitus' glowing red eyes nearly popped out of his head. Squealing in pain, he dropped the lacrosse stick, which Hiromi also picked up.

"I'll take that back if you don't mind." She looked at Haru. "By the way, when did you grow a backbone, Haru?"

Haru grinned. "Oh, shortly after some Cat King tried to marry me! But that's another story. Now let's make like a banana and get out of here!"

Meanwhile, the kats were moving in on Baron and crew. Though grossly outnumbered, they were prepared to fight. But before a single weapon could be drawn, everyone was distracted by loud rumbling sound from above. Looking up, they saw that the ceiling was cracking, as if failing to support a great weight. But what could be so heavy as to cause a potential cave in?

Neither side had to wait very long to find out. The ceiling broke open, and an enormously bloated shape came tumbling down onto several of the kats.

"Ah, excellent timing as always, my friend!" Baron said. "But how did you know to find us in the Hollow Lands?"

Muta sat up, groaning and dusting himself off. "What're you talkin' about? I was just looking for a place to hide from Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dummer!" He looked around, realising the situation he was in. "Oh, no!"

Baron smiled. "Now that you're here, Muta, this has truly become a battle—a _winnable _battle!"

**To be continued**

Well! I must say that I found this chapter thoroughly enjoyable to write. And I hope you have as much fun reading it!

And, of course, I would appreciate knowing if you did, so please review! (Otherwise, I just might decide to end the story right here!)


	15. Chapter 15

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 15**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

And the battle was on.

In numerical terms, it seemed as though the kats had the distinct tactical advantage. Skill, however, was a different story as Baron and Prince Lune proved to be a formidable tag team. Baron was quick to show these kats just how many different uses his cane really had. Lune was no slouch either, being highly adept in fencing since he was fifteen (in cat years).

And as if that wasn't enough to give the kats reason for concern, Muta was also involved in the fighting. Not the most graceful combatant by anyone's standards, Muta nonetheless used his size and weight with effective results, trapping a number of _extremely _unfortunate kats beneath his massive behind. Their pleas for mercy became even louder when Muta—bearing a huge grin on his face—took the opportunity to "relieve" himself.

Meanwhile, Haru and Hiromi, perhaps the most important players in this whole ordeal, zigzagged their way through the titanic melee, trying desperately to reach the exit where Natoru waited.

"C'mon, Hiromi," Haru cried. "We're almost there! We just have to—"

But Haru was cut off when she felt a cold hand grab her by the ankle. Automatically, she tripped and fell. She looked back to see that it was Iphitus who had grabbed her. His claws dug deeply into her skin.

"So… you are the prophesised Harbinger?" Iphitus hissed. "The bringer of the Destroyer's doom? Somehow, I thought you would be taller. Tell me… How did you acquire the robes of one of my monks?"

"Well… your monk was looking like he needed a break, and that he should probably 'punch out' early. So we decided to 'punch out' on his behalf and… You know what? It's just easier to say that we knocked him on the head."

Iphitus grinned. "You put on a brave front, small thing. But I can see beyond your poorly constructed quips—see beyond to the doubt and fear that lies within."

Haru shivered as she felt those cold red eyes focus in on her.

"Yes… Stop fighting against the doubt. Allow yourself to know despair. For in despair, you will know peace. In despair, you will know freedom. In despair…"

But now it was Iphitus' turn to be cut off, as Hiromi gave him a "punch out" of her own design: a stone of Cat-astrophe smashed on top of his head. (A.N. Remember boys and girls: it's not nice to smash heavy objects on people… unless they're evil fanatics like Iphitus!)

"I guess he really is a big baby after all," Hiromi said, helping Haru to her feet. "Because that was a full diaper load!"

"Thanks, Hiromi."

But Iphitus had an uncanny knack for shaking off physical injuries—he had been kicked in the crotch earlier, after all—and was soon back on his feet, eyes burning with hatred.

He looked down at the shards of the shattered stone. "What have you done?" He grabbed Hiromi tightly by the wrist. "You wretched little four-legged…"

Utilising the sort of strength that only an evil shadow creature can possess, Iphitus sent Hiromi hurling across the chamber.

…And screaming over the edge of the pit.

"HIROMI!" Haru shrieked in horror. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Miss Hiromi!" Natoru, blindingly loyal to the end, leaped in after her. "I'll save yoooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!"

Haru just couldn't believe it. Her best friend was…

But before she could so much as shed one tear, the sound of a blood-curling roar rang out from the pit and echoed throughout the whole chamber, causing everyone to stop fighting and take notice.

"He is coming!" Iphitus cried. "The Destroyer has awakened!"

The ground shook and rumbled, as an enormous monstrous shape emerged from the pit. To all who beheld it, it appeared to be a giant robotic cat, with two devil-like horns protruding from the centre of his head.

And clinging desperately to one of those horns were two figures whose appearance gave Haru a reason to feel joy even in this most frightening of moments.

Hiromi and Natoru.

Still alive… though perhaps not for much longer.

"Behold, Mechphisto!" Iphitus shouted triumphantly. "The Great Destroyer! The one who shall bring forth the end of this world, and start the feline apocalypse!"

The mechanical monstrosity looked down at the empty sacrificial alter. Realising that neither stone nor sacrifice were present, he let out a deafening roar of anger. Both cats and kats alike began to scatter as Mechphisto lashed out at all parties present.

"I… I do not understand," Iphitus stammered, staring up at the one-time object of his worship. "I know we have failed to deliver you the items of your ultimate strength, but you are supposed to spare us!"

Mechphisto ignored him, continuing his indiscriminate rampage.

Iphitus got down on his knees. "We are your loyal servants! You are supposed to deliver us to—"

But Mechphisto silenced his pleas with a well-placed stomped: the one injury Iphitus couldn't walk away from.

Meanwhile, our heroes quickly regrouped, just as Mechphisto began tearing a hole within the ceiling.

"He's trying to reach the surface!" Prine Lune said.

"I don't think 'trying' is an appropriate word," Baron commented. "He _is _reaching the surface!"

And no sooner had Baron said this, than he found himself having to jump out of the way of falling debris. In the midst of such a leap, a small bag fell out of Baron's pocket, sending small cookies flying all over the place.

Cookies that were labelled "Eat Me".

One such cookie fell right into Muta's open mouth.

_**Gulp!**_

"Uh oh… Are those cookies for what I think they're for?" Haru asked.

"I'm afraid so, Haru," Baron admitted with some dread. "I was going to use them to re-enlarge you when we returned home."

"Then that would mean…."

Haru looked back at a stunned Muta, who was already starting to expand.

"Yes, Haru. It means that we now have _two _big problems on our hands."

**To be continued**

So… Hiromi and Natoru are on the horns of trouble, and Muta is about to put Kirstie Alley to shame! Well now you have no choice but to keep on reading (and reviewing)!


	16. Chapter 16

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter 16**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

From the Royal Palace, all appeared well in the Cat Kingdom. A pair of Cat Guards atop the castle wall were casually chatting about their personal lives.

"So I asked my cousin, 'how is your boss able to run a delivery service with just a broomstick?' And you'll never guess what he said…"

But the Cat Guard never got the chance to finish his sentence, for something caught both of their attentions that made them realise that all was NOT well in the Cat Kingdom.

Something big.

For many, Mechphisto the Great Destroyer was considered to be little more than a myth—much like the kats who worshipped him. But now, as the mechanical menace appeared over the horizon, and proceeded to lay waste to the cattail fields with his fire breath (hey, he's a giant monster, what did you expect?), sending cats everywhere running for all nine of their lives, it was clear to all that he was very much real.

The armed forces of the Royal Palace wasted little time in responding to this threat. Using their Cat-apults, they launched everything they had at Mechphisto, from boulders to big balls of string. But the Destroyer's outer shell was made from one of the hardest substances known to exist: Catamantium. As such, he was able to shrug off each and every one of their attacks.

And just when it seemed that things couldn't possibly get anymore chaotic, something else appeared over the horizon—something equally big.

Muta.

Thanks to the special cookies he'd accidentally eaten, Muta was now a towering marshmallow of a cat. Naturally, his approach did not go unnoticed by Mechphiso, who let out an angry roar.

"Rrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Muta, in turn, gave the only appropriate response to such a statement.

"Rrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And it was on.

Mechphisto opened with a particularly nasty blow to the head that sent Muta tumbling onto his back. Frankly, it was a miracle that no one was crushed, though the same could not be said for several homes.

"Oww!" Muta cried. "You hurt Moon! Big mistake!" He got back onto his feet, and proceeded to attack Mechphisto like a sumo wrestler. "Now Moon gonna hurt you!"

The Great Destroyer attempted to unleash his fire breath, but was stopped when Muta grabbed him by the throat. It was an all out brawl between two of the Cat Kingdom's most feared enemies; some wondered if it even mattered who the victor would be.

Into this madness arrived Baron, Haru, and Prince Lune, all three of whom were equally agape at what they saw. In particular, Haru realised that her dream was turning out to be as prophetic as she feared: the burning cattail fields, the screams of terrified cats filling the air. And she just knew that somewhere Yuki was calling out her name.

It was enough to make Haru forget that the part of her leg where Iphitus had grabbed her was starting to itch.

And throughout this entire ordeal, Hiromi and Natoru continued to cling to Mechphisto's horns. That they hadn't fallen off already was something of a small miracle.

"Oh, please God," Hiromi cried. "Please just let me survive this in one piece, and I promise I'll never complain about my stupid boring life again!"

"And if you let _me _live," Natoru added, "I promise to stop marking my territory!"

Hiromi grimaced. "You do that?"

"Uh-huh."

Back on the ground, Haru remained ever concerned for her friend. "Baron, we have to get her down from there!"

"And I need to reach the palace!" said Prince Lune. "Yuki is in danger; I just know it!"

Baron said nothing. Instead, he was staring up into the sky.

"Um, hello?" Haru asked. "Are you even listening to us?"

"I can hear you perfectly," Baron said with a grin. "I was just noticing what may very well be the answer to our prayers."

The brawl between the two behemoths was suddenly interrupted when both combatants received an unexpected face full… of mulberries.

From out of the blue, a murder of crows had flown in, dropping mulberries on both Mechphisto and Muta. The leader of the crows then proceeded to make his way towards Hiromi and Natoru.

"Quick," the crow said. "Hop on my back!"

The decision required no thought; they complied without hesitation. "Thanks," Hiromi said, as they proceeded to fly away. "Uh, just out of curiosity, who are you?"

"You can call me Toto," the crow replied. "You can call me your hero. You can call me a deus ex machina. Just don't call me after hours."

"Wow, you're pretty witty! It's a refreshing change from all of Natoru's bad jokes."

Natoru went bug-eyed. "But you said they were funny!"

* * *

One thing could be said about Yuki: she always placed the welfare of others above her own concerns.

Through her spiritual link, Yuki could sense that Haru had not left the Cat Kingdom. And she could sense that she was in danger—perhaps more than she realised. So it was that, even as the chaos raged outside, Yuki continued to worry about her friend, and even began calling out her name in desperation.

"Haru! Haru, where are you?"

Someone did respond to her cries, but it wasn't Haru.

It was Colonel Whiskers.

"Colonel! Oh, thank goodness you're here! We have to find Haru! She—"

But Yuki stopped when she saw the Colonel drawing his sword… and pointing it at her.

"C-Colonel?"

His eyes were devoid of any warmth. "I regret to inform you, my lady, that I won't be taking any more orders from you. I'm here to make certain you don't survive this."

**To be continued**

Is this the end of Yuki? Will Toto's posse be able to turn the tide? And why is Muta talking like an idiot? The answers to these questions can be found in the next exciting chapter! (Provided, of course, that you review!)


	17. Chapter 17

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter ****17**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

Slowly, the Colonel approached Yuki, his sword aimed at her throat.

"Your murder wasn't originally part of the plan," he said. "But I recently learned a bit of information that required a slight adjustment of things. You wouldn't believe how difficult it was to get the doctors to keep their mouths shut. If word of it had gotten out, there would have been an even greater need for others to protect you."

"What are you talking about?" Yuki asked nervously.

"Simply put… you are carrying Prince Lune's child."

Yuki's eye's widened. "Wha…"

"And that's precisely why I can't allow you to live!" He raised his sword in preparation for a killing blow. "The royal bloodline must not be allowed to continue!"

Yuki screamed, "Nooooo!!!!!"

Just then, a crow flew into the palace—a crow by the name of Russell. (A.N. I just couldn't help myself!) The cat he was carrying on his back leapt forward, knocking the Colonel down before he could do Yuki any harm.

Yuki tearfully embraced her saviour. "Lune! You're alive!"

"Yes, Yuki. And so are you."

"Not for long!" The Colonel got back onto his feet. "Now I get to eliminate two problems at once!" He lunged at them with his sword, but Lune was able to deflect the attack with his own weapon. After a few more exchanges of thrusts and parries, Lune, always the more superior combatant, brought the Colonel to his knees.

"It was you!" Lune said, holding his sword at the Colonel. "You're the traitor! Why, Colonel? Why did you sell out your own people?"

The traitor wiped some blood from his nose. "Two words: your father. The old Cat King was an insane degenerate of the worst sort. The things that went on during his rule… Do you know that he was actually considering making Wednesday a part of the weekend? How would that even work? Now he's retired, but you still remain. And given enough time, you will turn out to be just like him! No, your bloodline must be purged from the face of this kingdom!"

"And to do this, you were willing to make an alliance with the kats? Did you not realise that helping them would mean the destruction of our entire world?"

A tear came to the Colonel's eye. "It seemed better than the alternative."

Lune couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was it true? Had his father really been so horrible that someone would consider complete annihilation a more preferable choice? And did he himself really have the potential to become every bit as horrible? Lune didn't know. What he did know was that his kingdom and the people he loved were in great danger.

And there was only one way to save them all.

* * *

Meanwhile, it was still on.

Muta and Mechphisto continued to exchange blows amidst the hellish blaze, while Toto and his "crow commandos" continued their aerial assault. Unable to contribute much to the battle, all Baron could do was watch from a nearby hill, along with Haru, Hiromi and Natoru.

Muta began swatting at his feathered allies. "Go home, turkeys!" he bellowed. "This Moon's fight!"

Haru scratched her head. "Uh, is it my imagination, or does Muta sound even dumber than usual?"

Toto flew by. "Really? I hadn't noticed the difference!"

"No, she's quite correct," Baron agreed. "I suspect I made a slight miscalculation when mixing the ingredients for the cookies. His brain has not grown in proportion to his body." (A.N. See? I told you this chapter would provide an explanation!)

"Then I guess it's a good thing _I _didn't eat them," Haru said.

Baron nodded. "Indeed."

Just then, Mechphisto got off a particularly powerful punch in Muta's gut, causing the enormous cat to stagger back and cringe.

"Ohhhhhhh, Moon not feel so good…"

A loud rumbling noise could be heard coming from within Muta's stomach.

"Look out!" cried Toto. "He's gonna blow!"

And he did.

"Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The sound of Muta's belch echoed throughout the land. The stench of his halitosis was said to have spread even further.

And what a stench! One by one, the crows dropped from the sky. Even Haru and Hiromi and fainted.

Baron and Natoru, however, had been smart enough to cover their noses.

"Now that was just plain nasty," Baron commented. "Even for Muta."

But it was more than just an awful smell that had come out of Muta's mouth. In the process, he had belched out the enlargement cookies. And without those in his system, he began to revert back to his normal size.

Much to Mechphisto's delight.

The Great Destroyer looked down at his now-diminutive opponent, and grinned an evil grin.

Muta looked up, and gulped. "Guess it's time to make like a banana again!" With that, he ran off before he could be crushed under Mechphisto's massive foot.

Meanwhile, Baron was examining Haru and Hiromi.

"Oh, are they going to be okay?" Natoru asked.

"Hiromi should be fine," Baron answered. "It appears she just couldn't take the stench, not that I can blame her. But Haru…" his voice became graver, "Haru is another matter. There is something terribly wrong here."

It was then that Baron noticed a strange, black blemish on Haru's ankle. It almost looked like an infection.

Baron gasped. "No! Not again! Not with Haru, please!"

**To be continued**

What can I say? I'm a fan of cliff-hangers! (And reviews, so send them in!)


	18. Chapter 18

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter ****18**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

Haru was inconsolable. Having been turned into a human-cat hybrid, she was consumed with tears and almost completely oblivious to what was going on around her. She gave little notice to the raw fish being served to her as a banquet meal. And she was hardly aware of the Cat King's pathetic attempts to try and cheer her up via low-brow entertainment.

In fact, the only time she felt compelled to even acknowledge her surroundings was when the whole chamber went silent upon the arrival of a masked stranger. He claimed that he could make the young lady smile, and the Cat King, after some initial reluctance, agreed to let him try. The stranger approached Haru, and for the first time since the banquet had begun, she raised her head.

"Excuse me," the stranger asked, "would you care to dance?"

"Oh, no," Haru replied. "I'm a meowsy dancer." She gasped. "No! Now I'm starting to talk like a cat!"

The stranger extended his hand to her. "Just trust me," he whispered.

And Haru did trust him, though she couldn't explain why. She just felt compelled to accept his hand and follow him out into the center of the chamber. The orchestra started up again, and the two of them engaged in a semi-awkward waltz (at least on Haru's side.)

It was then that one very potent question entered into Haru's mind.

_**What the heck is going on here!**_

This had all happened before hadn't it? Yes, of course it had. Haru knew that there was somewhere else she was supposed to be, and that all of this was just a memory._ I have to go, _Haru thought to herself.

_But why, _asked a voice in her head. _Isn't it nicer here? Wouldn't you much rather stay here, where you're happy?_

Thinking about that, Haru had to admit that she was indeed strongly tempted to stay. Her waltz with Baron was one of the happiest memories of her life. Many times her mind had wandered back to that—_this_ moment. She felt as though she could just stay there forever, moving to the tunes of the accordion (which was a lot more fun than it sounded).

And even if she did leave, what would she be going back to? The Cat Kingdom—and everyone who lived there—was on the verge of destruction. It's not as though there was anything she could do to help prevent it. Against a force like Mechphisto, what could she possibly hope to accomplish?

_Exactly. There is nothing you can do. Everyone is doomed. So why not__ stay where you are most happy?_

_Yes, _Haru thought. _Maybe I should just stay where I'm most…_

"No!" Mustering up every ounce of willpower she possessed, Haru pushed away Baron—or rather, the image of Baron. "No, I can't stay! They need me! Maybe we are going to die, but I'm not going to abandon my friends! And I'm not going to hide from my problems in some little fantasy world! Do you hear me… _Iphitus? _I won't do it!"

Suddenly, the illusion vanished, replaced by boundless black.

_Fool! _Iphitus' voice bellowed. _I offer to make your last few moments of existence enjoyable, and you scorn the gift?_

"Yeah, you just want me to give up, that's all. So you can just take your 'gift' and stick it where the sun don't shine! Of course, on your body, that's everywhere!"

A bright light appeared behind Haru, cutting through the darkness.

_There is no dignity in facing your demise, only suffering! Only by embracing the Nothing can you achieve peace!_

"Go to hell," was Haru's only response as she approached the light, returning to…

* * *

"…She's waking up, Baron," Natoru said.

As Haru slowly opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was a very relieved Baron looking down at her.

She sat up, felt her face, and, finding no feline features, expressed relief of her own.

"You did it, Haru," Baron said, sounding completely astonished. "You actually did it!"

"Did what?" she asked.

"You did what Louise could not: you chose life over despair."

"Well, I couldn't just leave you guys." She looked around, noticing that the cattail fields were still burning. "…Even if the scenery is a bit lousy right now."

It was then that Prince Lune returned on foot. "Yuki is safe now, though I don't know for how much longer. Mechphisto is making his way towards the palace even as we speak."

"Then we must act quickly if we are to stop him," Baron instated.

"There is one possibility," Lune said. "According to the old legends, Mechphisto's power is centered in his eyes. If you can destroy his eyes, there's a good chance that Mechphisto will be destroyed as well."

"But how are we supposed to even get near his eyes?" Haru asked. "Even if the crows were still awake, he'd swat at any that would try to get near him."

Baron had a thoughtful look on his face. "I may have an idea. But it will require Haru's help."

This certainly caught Haru by surprise. "Me?"

"Well, it's not a task that I can trust to any feline. No, this is a task that only Haru can perform." He looked her squarely in the eyes. "The question is: will you help us?"

The decision required little thought on Haru's part. After all, if she had no intention of helping, she would have just stayed in that little fantasy.

And when Baron places all of his faith in you, turning him down would be very rude indeed.

**To be continued**

Well, only two more chapters left in this fic. That's right, we're nearing the end. So make sure to send in those reviews if you want to see it!


	19. Chapter 19

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter ****19**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

They didn't call him the Great Destroyer for nothing. Mechphisto existed for one purpose and one purpose alone: to bring death and destruction to the whole Cat Kingdom.

It was a purpose he was fulfilling quite well.

Much of the kingdom was in flames now, and the rest would soon follow. Approaching the palace, he was now about to deliver the largest blow yet. His body was immune to the pitiful weapons of the Cat Guards. He shrugged off their attacks as easily as he would raindrops.

He was virtually indestructible; nothing could stop him.

And yet… he did stop.

He stopped because of something that caught his eye. Right in front of the castle was a large gift-wrapped package. And dancing around this present and humming to herself was a teenage human. Considering the carnage that was going on, this seemed completely out of sorts, to say the least.

"La-dee-da-dee-daaaaaa! Oh, what a large present! I wonder what could be inside." She stopped dancing, and reached for the bow before restraining herself. "Oh, but Baron made me promise not to open it until he returned!"

Mechphisto knew he had other things to attend to—like smashing a certain castle to pieces—but still…

"I hope he gets here soon though, because I _really _want to know what's in there!"

In spite of himself, Mechphisto wanted to know as well.

"What could it be? Is it a ball of yarn? Maybe some chocolate? Heck, for all I know Dracula could be in there! Nah, I'm just being silly! But please, Baron! Please get here soon so I can see what's ins—"

Mechphisto couldn't take it anymore. He knew he should be focusing on his purpose. He knew he should be destroying everything in his path, but he just had to know.

He—

Just—

Had—

To—

KNOW!

He scooped up the present with his massive paw. Frantically, he clawed away at the wrapping, and tossed the lid aside, revealing—

"Surprise!"

Baron flew out, and, before Mechphisto could even react, smashed both of his eyes with his cane. The Great Destroyer howled as streams of energy came pouring out of his now empty sockets. After a few minutes it stopped… because there was no energy left. Devoid of power, his body collapsed to the ground, causing minor tremors in the process.

Mechphisto, the Great Destroyer, was no more.

And Baron…

The Baron landed gracefully to the ground. After brushing the dust from his clothes, he examined his cane.

"Well, how about that," he said. "For once, it's not bent."

An overjoyed Haru ran up to him. "You did it, Baron!"

"_We _did it, Haru. I told you that only a non-cat could have helped me pull off this ruse. Otherwise, Mechphisto would have wondered why the cat wasn't opening the present herself."

"…Because all cats are curious, right?"

"Exactly." Baron turned his attention towards the now-inert Mechphisto. "Twas curiosity that killed the cat."

* * *

With the enemy defeated, the Cat Guards switched to firefighter mode and wasted no time in dosing the inferno. It was a sad sight when the smoke finally cleared. The magnificent cattail fields had been all but reduced to ash. But cats can do anything they put their minds to, and it was only a matter of time before they made their kingdom beautiful again.

Prince Lune dispensed swift justice upon Colonel Whiskers, sentencing him to fifty cat years in prison. A pair of guards dragged him away.

"He's his father's son!" The Colonel shouted, struggling all the way. "You'll see! You'll all regret serving him!"

"He's insane, of course," Yuki said. "I mean, how else do you explain his irrational actions?"

"I suppose," Lune said. "Still… it seems like a rather lame explanation, doesn't it?"

Muta shrugged. "Meh. If the end of _Quantum Leap _had made half as much sense as this nutty adventure, they might've been okay."

The three felines proceeded outside, where Toto's friends were carrying Hiromi's (still unconscious) body towards the exit. It was important that she be returned to the human world before morning, after all.

"I told them to drop her off in her bed," Toto explained to Baron and Haru. "With any luck, she'll wake up tomorrow and think this was all a dream."

"Yeah… that's probably for the best," Haru admitted.

"You know, Haru," Yuki said, "I was talking to Lune, and he tells that if Hiromi hadn't destroyed the Stone of Cat-astrophe, then Mechphisto would have truly been invincible. Not even destroying his eyes would have been able to stop him then. She saved us all… and so did you."

She hugged her human friend. "Thank you for not listening to me when I told you to go home."

Haru reciprocated with a hug of her own. "Don't mention it. And I hope I get to come back someday; I'd really like to see your baby when he or she is born."

With all the goodbyes said, Baron and Haru climbed onto Toto's back. Toto circled around once before picking up Muta.

"Hey! Easy with the talons, Birdbrain, or you'll regret it!"

"Oh, please! As if anything you could do to me would be worse than that burp! I mean that was just nasty!"

"At least mine don't smell like worms!"

"By the way, Toto," Baron interrupted. "I've been meaning to ask: how did you know we needed your help?"

"What are you talking about? Didn't you call for us?"

"No, and I certainly would have remembered if I did."

"Odd… So you weren't the one who sent that weirdo cat to come get us?"

"Weirdo cat?" Baron looked at Haru. "Are you thinking…"

"…What I'm thinking?"

On the ground, a scruffy-looking individual looked on as the four figures made their way closer to the exit.

"So the Harbinger has fulfilled her destiny. Or has she? Mmm, difficult to say. Perhaps there will be more trials for her to face. But whatever the future has in store for her, rest assured… Nemo will be there to play his part, as only Nemo can!"

**That's… not all folks!**

As you might have guessed, this is the penultimate chapter of this fic. I suppose I could probably end the story right here and it would still work. But there's a little bit more that can yet be said. So... get those reviews in if you want me to throw in one more chapter, bringing this story to its surprising conclusion!


	20. Chapter 20

**Apocalypse Meow**

**Chapter ****20**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Cat Returns—not now, not ever.**

It wasn't long before the whole gang was back at the Refuge. Toto and Muta remained outside, thoroughly engaged in yet another of their verbal sparring matches, while Baron and Haru were inside the Cat Bureau. Baron was busy baking another batch of cookies with which to restore Haru to her normal human size. As she waited, Haru sipped on another cup of Baron's special tea.

It still didn't taste right to her.

Baron checked the stove. "Well now," he said, "the cookies should be ready in another ten minutes or so."

"Then I can be big again and go home."

There was no enthusiasm in Haru's voice. Though this adventure had been even less fun than the last one, she almost didn't want it to end because that would mean saying goodbye to Baron all over again.

"Well just remember, Haru: if you should ever need us…"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll always know where to find you." _But will it be another year before I need you again? What if I never need your help again?_

Perhaps sensing what was on Haru's mind, Baron said, "You know, Haru… You should consider that there are many kinds of need. For example, there is the simple need to be in the company of one's friends."

Haru's eyes lit up. "So you're saying if I just want to come by and shoot the breeze…"

"Then the Bureau's doors will be open to you, yes. I can tell you for a fact that your presence will never be an unwelcome one as all of us enjoy sharing in your company."

Muta's voice came from outside. "Speak for yourself, Casanova!"

"Can it, Garfield!" Toto retorted.

"You wanna piece of me, Birdbrain? Then come an' get it!"

Haru smiled. Muta's eavesdropping notwithstanding, she felt a lot better than she had in quite awhile. True, her friendship with Baron was still somewhat complicated, but for now it was nice to know that she would always have a place in his life.

Haru took another sip of her tea. "Hm. You know, on second thought, this tea doesn't taste so bad after all."

"I've been thinking about that," Baron said. "And I'm beginning to wonder if it's not the tea, but rather the drinker of the tea who changes."

"You know something, Baron? Just between the two of us, you're probably right."

* * *

The next morning found a normal-sized Haru running down the street. No, she wasn't late for school; she was simply eager to learn about the fate of her friend.

Turning a corner, she saw Hiromi heading for school. She was human-looking and apparently no worse for wear.

"Hiromi!" Haru shouted.

"Oh, hey Haru," she said casually.

"Are you okay?"

Hiromi shrugged. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh, uh… no reason."

"Well now that you mention it, I did have one very strange dream last night."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I dreamed I was in this Kingdom of Cats. There was a maze, a giant robot thing, and you were there for some reason."

Haru sighed. As predicted, Hiromi had dismissed the whole experience as nothing more than a dream. It was then that she noticed Hiromi's feet. "Oh. You're not wearing your usual shoes."

Hiromi looked down. "Yeah, that's another strange thing. I seem to be missing one of my shoes. I've looked all over, but I couldn't find it."

"Here it is," said a familiar voice.

Startled, both girls looked down only to see Natoru holding Hiromi's missing shoe.

"Na-Natoru? You mean… then it wasn't… ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…"

And with that, Hiromi fainted.

"Hiromi!" Haru cried.

"Oh, dear!" said Natoru. "I guess she didn't get much sleep last night. Well I guess you can tell her the good news when she wakes up."

"…What good news?"

"Many of us in the Cat Kingdom have taken it upon ourselves to express our gratitude to both you and Hiromi for the parts you played in defeating Mechphisto."

Haru's eyes went wide with dread. "Oh, no…"

"Starting tomorrow, you shall be visited by happiness and good fortune as a marvellous array of—"

"No! Shut up!" Haru covered her ears. "Shut up! I'm not hearing this! No, no, no, no, nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!"

**The End? You tell us!**

**Cast**

**Haru – Anne Hathaway**

**Baron – Cary Elwes**

**Muta – Peter Boyle**

**Toto – Elliot Gould**

**Hiromi – Kristen Bell**

**Natoru – Andy Richter**

**Lune – Andrew Bevis**

**Yuki – Judy Greer**

**Nemo – John Kassir**

**Colonel Whiskers – Clive Revill**

**Iphitus – Hugo Weaving**

**Mechphisto – Frank Welker**

And that, as they say, is that! Yes, it took us quite awhile to reach this point, but this fic is finished!

…Or is it? There is certainly room for a sequel, though it will not be written by me. However, if any of you feel as though there is more that can be said and would like to try your hand at continuing where this fic leaves off, you're certainly welcome to give it a try! If you are going to do that though, I would appreciate it if you notify me first so I can give the project my blessing.

As for any future fanfics, I don't have anything planned at the moment. I've often thought about trying my hand at the world of Pokemon, but not having watched the show since season 3 (unless you count the movies); I don't know how well I could do it. Right now though, I'd like to focus my attention on projects of a more personal nature.

Until then, this is Dr. V saying stay fit and have fun!

…Wait, that's not my catchphrase! My catchphrase is 'tootles'!


End file.
